At a conference on Theodicy and Religion in relation to the Problem of Pain, I encountered some of the very things about which you are. In the back row, there was a man who seemed to be . . . against God at best. Whenever someone who was a Christian or even a Theist would bring up a question, he would snicker and shake his head. I could almost hear him saying, "Stupid Christians, never think anything through." Now I realize that I was at a conference where most people HAD thought things through and many might have been absolute geniuses. But this guy was really starting to rub me the wrong way. Was he smarter than me? Probably. . .then again that is not all that hard. He probably had more degrees . . . maybe he was a grad student or something, but the whole time I thinking, this guy isn’t even giving them a chance. . . acting all haughty.
Then on the stage, I saw three much respected scholars in the philosophical domain (William Rowe, and Paul Draper namely). Both Draper and Rowe made statements I will never forget.
Draper said "I'll never say that Christianity or any Theistic position is that way because they are too weak or too stupid, it is only because I think God is just literally too good to be true."
Rowe made a more powerful statement. "I was in seminary when I lost my faith . . .and I will say that I lost it quite reluctantly. I was grasping for something and even tried (other versions of Theism) but I finally found them, in my mind, lacking. But as a friendly Atheist I don't find the Theist position that which is intellectually irreconcilable, just more difficult that Atheism."
I was looking around wondering if my buddy in the back row had heard that. On the other hand, did it even matter? I guess my point is, I too hate it when some try to make it as if Christians cannot be scholars or have great minds, because no great mind could be a Christian if they really thought it through . . . there’s circular reasoning for ya.
Then after this initial upsetness, my thoughts went back to Rowe. And, as has happened so many times this semester, my heart broke. I saw a man who seemed to miss Christianity, or if I can take some liberties, at very least Jesus. I thought of Charles Templeton a man who toured with Billy Graham as an evangelist. I think of the rock that formed in the pit of my stomach as I read his words in Lee Strobel’s “Case for Faith.” “I miss Jesus,” he said frankly in the interview. As I wallow in my own doubt, sometimes I get scared. I am occasionally terrified that one day I will wake up and just not be able to believe any longer. I know that is not really, how it happens . . . or at least I do not think it is, but through all these studies, I view constant reminders that we are fragile.
Templeton did not say there was not a God, just that he could not believe in a personal, loving, all-powerful God who allowed the world to be filled with so much pain. Rowe said the same thing, as did many of the presenters at the colloquium. I do not know how to fix that. I am not sure that intellectually we ever really will. When it comes to questions like that, I find that most groups find the answers they are looking for.
Tonight I pray for the Templetons and Rowes in the world. God help them in their faith; give them grace as they seek. God, let them see you, as you really are, a God of love and a God of mercy. One who died for me, and for them, when neither of us earned or deserved it. God give me strength and discernment . . . and God, give me faith.