thoughts on a birthday

So it's my birthday . . . I celebrated by getting up and going to tennis, and then played a rousing game of NCAA Football 2006. (Which I won 52-21 GO V-tech) I then ate some breakfast and as a treat, decided to skip a class so I can finish a paper that is due today.

I promptly checked my facebook every few hours to see if anyone had dropped me a “happy birthday.” Got one from an ex, two from friends back home I never talk to anymore, and one from the cute girl that serves me coffee. I thought that was a nice gesture on all accounts.

You might ask,” So why are you putting this up Aaron?” You would state, “You promised you wouldn’t just update us on your life. You said that you would only do stuff on here that you really thought mattered ... Well I am getting to that.

I have found that birthdays just don’t seem as important as I get older. The fun stuff and parties as a kid have passed and I don’t get a new bike every year, nor do I get a new video game. The best I can hope for is a good time with the boys out at B-dubs or Steak n’ Shake. Don’t get me wrong, I love both of those, I am just saying stuff changes.

Now I look at my Christian walk, and I wonder if I have done the same thing. Sunday Service has become a time for me to “learn about how to do ministry,” rather than worship God. Instead of celebrating the fact that I go to a Christian school and have the opportunity to worship God with my classmates, I complain about how boring chapel was and why don’t they tone down the music a bit and stop bringing in speakers that are not “theologically sound”.

I feel like the “newness” of Christianity has worn off. I find myself trudging along not really as in love with Jesus as I may have once been. I find myself cleaning dishes while others sit at his feet. I find myself celebrating another “birthday” without the party and bike.

Now, I suppose that the parties and bikes have to go for all of us, and I realize that “mature faith” needs to grow up as well. However, my prayer is I can get back to the faith of an 8-year-old kid waiting for his birthday party to begin.
I want to party.


Lyrics that have made me think even more deeply about this. Jars of Clay "Like a child"

Dear God
Surround me as I speak
The bridges that I walk across are weak
And the frustrations fill the void that
I can't solely bear

Dear God
Don't let me fall apart
You've held me close to You
But I have turned away
And searched for answers
I can't understand

They say that I can move the mountains
And send them falling to the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believe
With Faith Like a Child

Sometimes
When I feel miles away
And my eyes can't see Your face
Well I wonder if I've grown to lose
The recklessness I walked in light of You

They say that I can move the mountains
And send them crashing to the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believe
With faith Like a Child

They say that I can move the mountains
And send them crashing to the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believe
They say that love can heal the broken
They say that hope can make you see
They say that faith can find a Savior
If you would follow and believe
With faith Like a Child

Summit

The dictionary describes summit as this.

1) The highest point or part; the top.
2) The highest level or degree that can be attained.

So is this week the highest stage of my spiritual walk? I'll be honest I have a tough time swallowing that. I've always been a bit. . . dare I say skeptical of it, because I hope that I have closer and more intimate moments with God.

Don't get me wrong I love the rock out worship (sometimes), and I thought this speaker did a nice job, but I feel a bit odd saying that's my summit. Are we setting ourselves up for a big let down later on. I've been thinking about Keith Drury's discussion on "faith meltdowns" and how we start to realize that our "spiritual high" was just the bass drum rippling through us. And our "religous" encounters were heavily based on the emotional side of our brains (not that there's anything wrong witht emotions, I'm an emotional being we all are, and I don't trust my rational much more than I trust my emotions).

James said that Pure and undefiled religion before God is doing this, Feeding the widdows and orphans and keeping oneself unspotted by the world.

The word for religion there is more of a worship or a literagy. So is it saying our real summit should be when we are "out there" someplace bringing the Gospel to others? I really lean that way.

Am I being too cynical? Or maybe this week of services is the best we get? Help me out please.

So I went and visited a good friend in the hospital yesteraday. Kimmy Hawk. Kimmy is somewhere in her 40's. . . which is pretty good for a person with Down's syndrom. Kimmy was one of the most positive people that I have ever met. Even in the hospital if asked how she was doing, she would always respond with "terrific" or "great".

However Kimmy isn't doing great right now. Down's hearts aren't as stron as ours and they can only take so much pressure. She's had a few strokes and some surgeries and it's taking it's toll now.

I know it's probably time, they've let her go home so she can watch her birds and listen to southern Gospel music. Yet, that doesn't make it any easier. I'm not sure that I'll ever really get used to this death thing.

I think it is these moments that I understand God the least. I've heard all of the arguments, and ready a large amount of them so please don't give me God is good and loves us all and works all things for his good, because I know. And I don't want to hear that Sin started all pain, nor do I want to hear that I can't see what good is coming out of it, cause I've heard all that too. Tel that to Kim and her parents who are watching their little girl die, without really living in some senses.

Which brings me to this weird why do you do this God deal. Just last month the daughter of my mentor was in a hospital dying. Her levels of something or another was higher than allowed life. She was in a coma and was not going to wake up. Then something happened and she did wake up. 5 of the 7 doctors have called it intervention, and I truly believe it was, because I know God is capable of that and he's done it in my life. So why those prayers answered and not the one's for Kim? I don't know, and I'm starting to think this is where the faith thing comes in. I don't know that we will ever have an answer for why there is pain. I don't think we'll ever logically explain it, and I"m not sure we'll even get the answers in heaven. . . .

Or maybe I'm jsut sad tonight.