A birthday ... again

I looked at a post I wrote last year and I thought I'd repost with added words.

So it's my birthday . . . I celebrated by getting up and going to tennis, and then played a rousing game of NCAA Football 2006. (Which I won 52-21 GO V-tech) I then ate some breakfast and as a treat, decided to skip a class so I can finish a paper that is due today.

(well I don't have to do papers anymore, and I haven't played video games in a long time, excluding my trip to school)

I promptly checked my facebook every few hours to see if anyone had dropped me a “happy birthday.” Got one from an ex, two from friends back home I never talk to anymore, and one from the cute girl that serves me coffee. I thought that was a nice gesture on all accounts.

(I still am checking my facebook and I am still getting messages. However, no exes have left me any, the cute girl from coffee is dating someone, and the friends really don't talk to me anymore)

You might ask,” So why are you putting this up Aaron?” You would state, “You promised you wouldn’t just update us on your life. You said that you would only do stuff on here that you really thought mattered ... Well I am getting to that.I have found that birthdays just don’t seem as important as I get older. The fun stuff and parties as a kid have passed and I don’t get a new bike every year, nor do I get a new video game. The best I can hope for is a good time with the boys out at B-dubs or Steak n’ Shake. Don’t get me wrong, I love both of those, I am just saying stuff changes.

(an added change I don't actually go to either of those anymore becaue the guys are no longer around. However my parents are taking me to the mongolian grill!!)

Now I look at my Christian walk, and I wonder if I have done the same thing. Sunday Service has become a time for me to “learn about how to do ministry,” rather than worship God. Instead of celebrating the fact that I go to a Christian school and have the opportunity to worship God with my classmates, I complain about how boring chapel was and why don’t they tone down the music a bit and stop bringing in speakers that are not “theologically sound”.

(I still do this some, and I'm working on it I promise)

I feel like the “newness” of Christianity has worn off. I find myself trudging along not really as in love with Jesus as I may have once been. I find myself cleaning dishes while others sit at his feet. I find myself celebrating another “birthday” without the party and bike.Now, I suppose that the parties and bikes have to go for all of us, and I realize that “mature faith” needs to grow up as well. However, my prayer is I can get back to the faith of an 8-year-old kid waiting for his birthday party to begin. I want to party.

(I have been renewed!! Working for God has been great, and I think my love for Jesus has been invigerated)

(Lyrics that have made me think even more deeply about this.)
Jars of Clay "Like a child"


Dear God
Surround me as I speak
The bridges that I walk across are weak
And the frustrations fill the void that I can't solely bear

Dear God
Don't let me fall apart
You've held me close to You
But I have turned away
And searched for answersI can't understand

They say that I can move the mountains
And send them falling to the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believe
With Faith Like a Child

Sometimes When I feel miles away
And my eyes can't see Your face
Well I wonder if I've grown to lose
The recklessness I walked in light of You

They say that I can move the mountains
And send them crashing to the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believeWith faith Like a Child
They say that I can move the mountains
And send them crashing to the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believe

They say that love can heal the broken
They say that hope can make you see
They say that faith can find a Savior
If you would follow and believe
With faith Like a Child

Going against the wind

Therefore, the disciples continue to push forward. As the waves get higher, and the wind move with increasing force they start to get nervous. What did this Jesus character expect from them? Sure many of them were fishermen, and had grown up rowing on this sea, but none of them had seen a gale quite like this.

Then they become a bit hesitant, even doubting why they were out here. Why could they not just turn around and head back? Jesus was still back on the shore. Then this realization hits them “how is he going to get on the other side?” They start to discuss things amongst themselves. “Did he really just feed all of those people?” Then doubt creeps in “maybe he wanted us to stay on the shore and wait for him.”

Yes, the disciples were rowing against the wind. They were struggling against the current. They were going against the grain. And it was hard. If it was hard to fulfill God’s purpose then, why do we expect it to be any different? I will never promise anyone that the center of God’s will is the easiest, or even the safest place to be, but I will ALWAYS promise that it is the best place.

When I think of going against the grain, I think of my little sister Heather. Heather is two years younger, and a foot and a quarter shorter than I am. However, what she lacks in age or size, she makes up in pure determination. You see Heather was born with Down’s syndrome, and she had to fight for whatever she accomplished. If I had half of the drive or will of my sister, I would have been the best athlete my town had ever seen, and probably have been the valedictorian of my class. She graduated High School taking normal classes, and then graduated from a vocational school, focused in childcare. She knows what rowing against the wind is all about.

At a Junior High camp I was a counselor at, someone came up with the brilliant idea to take 210 junior high kids canoeing. Then another genius decided to put me in charge of the safety of these students. I and another counselor were to stay in the back of the pack and make sure each camper made it safely to the end of the creek. Heather got the easy job. She sat in the middle of the canoe, took of her shoes, and let her feet drag in the water.

Everything was going swimmingly until I looked up and saw a stalled canoe, inhabited by two very blonde, much uncoordinated, junior high girls. To clarify I am not trying to be mean, I am only stating the facts. If anyone has ever attended, or bless your heart, coached a junior high girl’s basketball game, you understand what I mean. They trip over the foul line, stop to tie their shoes in the middle of a drive, throw passes into the stands, and throw up hideous, borderline sinful, shots. It is not their fault, I know, their coordination has yet to catch up with their bodies, however, it is what it is.
As I stated before these particular girls were stalled in their canoe. It was stuck upon a large rock, and despite their best attempts, it was not moving. They had finally resorted to standing in the canoe, and trying to push off the rock at the same time. Now anyone who has taken High School science (which these girls obviously had not) is aware of Newton’s laws of physics. One of these goes something like this: For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. So the girls pushed, the canoe tipped, and both were flung into the water.

Now I was not thrilled with this particular action, because I knew I was responsible for the well-being of these now very wet students. I did not want to jump in. The water was cold, and I had jeans on. If anyone has ever had on wet jeans, you understand why I was not eager to take the plunge. As I was contemplating my plan of action, the other counselor had already dived in, and was swimming towards the girls. Now I was not only going to be wet, but I was going to be wet and look like a jerk. I took of my shoes and socks, and jumped in.

As I reached the girl, I realized she had herself in quite the predicament. While she had a life jacket on, it was not serving her very well. You see she was reaching for each of her shoes, which were floating in opposite direction, and as she was reaching, her head was being pushed down into the water. THIS GIRL WAS GOING TO DROWN WITH A LIFE JACKET ON! I immediately grabbed the shoes, since they were apparently more important than life to her, and then proceeded to help her back to the shore.
At this point, I was feeling pretty good about myself. Pin an S on my chest and call me super counselor I thought. I wanted to be able to share my victory with someone so I turned to where I had left heather and the canoe with a huge smile on my face. That smile was quickly replaced with a look of distress because neither Heather nor the canoe was there. I had apparently forgotten some of my High School science classes as well, because the current had taken heather straight towards the rapids. As I looked up I saw her standing on the back part of the boat, paddle in hand screaming “BUUUBBBBYYYYYYY, WHEN I GET HOOOOMMMMEEEEEE, I’M TELLING MOOOOOOOMMMMM.”

Heather knows what it is like to swim against the current. She knows what it is like paddle against the waves. She knows what it is like to go against the grain. As Christians, we have to realize that we are going against the grain. The world is going to hate us. The Devil is going to fight us. Things are not going to be easy. To be stripped of the selfish worldly mindset, and to embody a Christ-like one, is hard. It takes work, and it takes the realization that we are going against everything the world is for. To accomplish the goal that Christ has set for us, we must be willing to paddle against the wind. I will never promise anyone that the center of God’s will is the easiest, or even the safest place to be, but I will ALWAYS promise that it is the best place.

Pursuing the Call

This is a small part of a chapter of a small book that I have considered writing. I don't know that it will ever get done ... but I'd like your thoughts anyway. I may post more in the days to come ... or I may not.



After feeding the crowds, Jesus sends the disciples out on the sea while he goes up to pray, alone, as he has become accustomed to do. Suddenly the winds become contrary, and the fishing boat is tossed about on the now restless water. The account in Matthew tells us it was the “fourth watch” meaning it is somewhere between three and six o’clock in the morning. Assuming Jesus fed the crowds even as late as eight or nine o’clock the previous evening, these committed followers had been rowing for five, six, even seven hours.

They must have been getting tired. Their arms were starting to get weary; the rain had left them soaking wet; the wind was cutting, stinging their face; and the water was splashing up into the boat. To say this was not an ideal boating experience would be a gross understatement. However, they knew that Christ had sent them. Their Lord, their rabbi, had told them to get into the boat and go to the other side before him, and that was precisely what they were going to do.
I have heard too many well meaning Christians say, “The door opened so it must have been God’s will.” Conversely, most of us, myself included, have said, “The door closed, so it must not have been God’s will for me.” These disciples were battered, wet, and tired, but they were answering the command that Christ had put upon them, closed doors and all.

I am reminded of a time when a bird got loose in my church. I was walking through the darkened sanctuary early one morning. I had finished praying for individuals in the church, and my friends who were still back at college, and I was just calling one of them to see how he was doing. It was dark and peaceful, just how I like my mornings. When suddenly from the ceiling flew down a dark mysterious creature. It was coming right at my head. Now I am not too masculine to admit I screamed. Perhaps screamed is not the right word … I shrieked. I shrieked like a pre-adolescent girl whose older brothers were torturing her favorite doll.
Now I was hoping that this shrill eardrum busting sound would somehow deter or at least distract my new adversary. Unfortunately, this was not the case. This suicidal kamikaze-ing dive-bomber was preparing for his next attack. He swooped once more and disappeared out of one of the side doors.
At precisely this moment, the church secretary walked calmly into the sanctuary. I laid down the hymnal that I had picked up, my weapon of choice, picked up my cell phone, which I had dropped during battle, and adjusted my clothing, which had been wrinkled during my drop to the floor, mid-shriek.
“Aaron,” she proclaimed with a slight hint of indignation in her voice, “there is a bird in the church!”
“NO?!” I replied with mock shock, “well thank you for that wonderful news update.”
After that lovely exchange I stormed off, hymnal in hand, looking for my arch nemesis. And I found him, oh yes I found him, perched upon one of the doors to the outside. However, in the light he did not look nearly as menacing or dangerous. You see, he had been slamming himself against the glass doors for what appeared to be a long time. He was battered, bloody, and tired. When he saw me coming, with my hymnal of mass destruction, he started banging again, almost tirelessly against the clear pane.
I got the key walked to the door, and opened it. Then I looked to find the bird had disappeared. I did not see him fly out of the door, nor did I see him fly down the hallway, whatever the case may be he was gone. Throughout the next few days, we searched for the bird. We even brought in a black lab to try to sniff him out. Nonetheless, all of our searches were in vain; we never did find the bird. Somehow, my rival had gotten out.

You see the bird knew his goal. He was not supposed to be in the church, he was supposed to be outside, and he was not going to let anything, be it windows, glass doors, or crazy hymnal wielding pastors, stop him fro getting out.
That, my friends, that is how one ought to respond to the directions of God. If I am called to do something, I do it, and I do it with reckless abandon. If a door shuts, yet I know I am led that direction, I slam against it until it opens, or I merely find another way out. Giving up is never an option. Whether like the bird I am battered and bloody, or like the disciples, I am wet and exhausted I must press on towards the call that Christ had laid upon me.

What a week

I have had a busy week. Last week I was the “crusade coordinator” for Team Delta Force. What is Team Delta Force you ask? Well I would suggest going to my buddy Mike Cline’s blog for that (http://reclinerramblings.blogspot.com/2006/09/muscle-ministry.html) I’ll just say that from the website they are “the most diverse, gifted and experienced group of ordained speaking athletes in the world”
So what does mean? It was one of the most impacting weeks I have ever seen. What did it do for my church you may ask? Well a few things

I) It got current members involved. It started Sunday morning when 25 people came down to the altar, some for the first time, but many coming to dedicate themselves for a week of service. My “stage crew” was basically 12-15 guys from ages 18-54 (the 54 yr old has 20-inch arms and bench-presses over 400 pounds so that was helpful). For many of the guys this was the first “ministry” they had been involved in. And I would like to take this moment to publicly thank them I could not have done it without them. Also, many of the women in my church cooked for the team. This was great because it meant I did not have to take four guys that eat like 7 meals a day out every evening. I had a whole group of senior citizens greeting at the doors and some even came backstage afterwards to do altar counseling. I cannot tell you how many people in my church were rejuvenated during this time.

II) It brought in unchurched people. I have never seen so many unsaved nonbelievers in one place ever. Wednesday night we had about 1000 people and Thursday night we had 1200 people. Our church averages around 750-800 on Sunday mornings so this was significant. I watched people walk in and never take off their hats. I saw kids bring food and drinks into the sanctuary. I tried to do the “Christian handshake” and people just looked at me. AND I LOVED EVER MINUTE OF IT! How amazing is it to see that many people who have never stepped foot into a church.

III) Masses heard the gospel in a positive light. I personally watched over 850 people walk forward to the altar (I will discuss this more later) but I was just as excited that literally thousands of people got to see Christian Men who are sold out and preaching a pure gospel. I promise you in all of the revivals (save ones by my dad) and camp meetings that I have ever been to, I have never heard the gospel presented more clearly. These men recognized that there is a heaven to gain and a hell to lose, and hell is too hot and there are too many souls hanging in the balance to sugar coat or water down their message.

IV) 850 people came forward. How do I know this? Because I have the cards. Almost every person that walked down came to a room and filled out a card explaining what kind of a commitment they had made, and put their address and phone numbers, and if they would like a follow up visit. Granted a few people slipped out the back doors and into the darkness, but almost everyone from 6 year old to teens, to 80 year olds put down their information

V) All ages came! Yes, the majority of the people that came down were under the age of 18. We had around 400 cards for 12 and under. We had 300 for 13-17 year olds. But, here is the clincher. Almost 75 were from the ages of 18-30 (the unreachable generation if you will) and another 75-100 were from 30 and up. We had three people over the age of 80 come down to the altar and fill out a card.

I’m just going to be honest and say that I have never experienced anything like this in my life. I am still a bit high from all of the success stories. Many of the people were at church this past Sunday morning and I haven’t even started the follow up yet. It’s been a good week.

Tonight the question is why

Tonight the question is why?

Tonight my heart aches, back breaks, shoulders shake
From the pain, weight, and sobs.

My mind hurts, as nothing works
Quite like it should.

Dark nights turn to days I know
But now bitter seeds are sowed
And the harvest seems to be the same.

I know I’m real small, and not tall
And I cant’ see all
Of his plans

But right now my empty hands, want to grasp
I want to lay down this happy mask
And weep and cry
And just ask why
Such a beautiful rose has to whither, bruise, and die.

---Aaron Duvall

Tonight a good friend died. She was one of the happiest human beings I know. I had never heard her complain in my life. She was never just good, never “ok”, she was always terrific, until she couldn’t say that anymore, and then it was a thumbs up and a salute. She was the best example of unconditional love that I had ever seen. Always good for a hug and a smile. I hope some day when I become a good Christian I can be one like Kim. I don’t think she would have complained about this. But tonight I’m not Kim. Kim Hawk is heaven, and I’m here …. Tonight …. Asking why.